Compassionate Sex Therapy for Erectile Dysfunction

While extremely common and often situational, difficulties getting or maintaining an erection when desired can trigger intense feelings of shame, anxiety, and avoidance around sex. Instances when erections are elusive can lead to relationship problems and unwanted lifestyle changes.

As a sex therapist, I've worked with many individuals and couples navigating the vulnerabilities around erectile issues. I always strive to create an atmosphere of deep empathy, removing judgment and focusing on understanding what is happening holistically while finding compassionate solutions.

The Experience of Impotence

Erectile issues can present in a variety of ways but usually involve a persistent or recurrent inability to get or maintain an erection sufficient for desired sexual activity. For many, it represents one of their greatest fears and sources of insecurity.

The experience of losing an erection during intimacy can be shattering for some, undermining their sense of confidence and competence as a lover. This is a phenomenon that may be experienced by men of any age, not only in older men; young men may experience it, too.

Possible reasons for erection problems

Many medical conditions, as well as psychological factors, may contribute to the development of erectile dysfunction. These include cardiovascular diseases/ heart disease, kidney disorders, prostate cancer and its treatment, high cholesterol, diabetes, and neurological disorders. Additionally, side effects from prescription and over-the-counter medications, and certain medical treatments, such as radiation therapy, may also contribute to impotence. Lifestyle factors, including excessive alcohol use and the use of tobacco or marijuana, may also impact erectile function.

Healthcare providers, such as urologists, can assist you in assessing for risk factors and provide treatment options for physical symptoms. These may include prescription medication, dietary supplements, and testosterone replacement therapy.

But what about your mental health?

Psychological causes of ED

Beyond the physiological components and causes, psychological factors like stress, anxiety and depression can affect your sexual health. Past sexual experiences and relationship conflicts commonly contribute to or exacerbate erectile issues and may change the severity of your ED. Some people feel extreme anxiety or panic if they are unable to get or maintain an erection during a sexual encounter and become obsessively focused on performance. This anxiety can contribute to continued difficulties in achieving or maintaining erections. Addressing this cycle of anxiety alongside attending to underlying medical issues is part of the successful treatment of ED.

I can provide guidance on finding and maintaining mental health and adopting healthy lifestyle choices that may help you and your partner discover a vibrant and exciting sex life.

Breaking the Cycle

Feelings of shame, embarrassment, and hopelessness frequently cause people experiencing erectile dysfunction to withdraw entirely from intimacy to avoid the vulnerability of "failing" again. You might feel isolated, emotionally detached, or despondent and express anger and hostility towards your partner. Erectile issues can put immense strain on romantic relationships and erode self-esteem and confidence in other life domains.

For many of my clients, the first significant step is simply being able to open up about their experiences with erectile issues in a safe, judgment-free environment. Creating space for radical acceptance and compassion begins to ease the burdens of toxic shame they've been carrying.

Does Sex Therapy for Erectile Dysfunction Work?

Sex therapy for erectile dysfunction can help individuals improve their sexual confidence and intimacy and also works in tandem with medical interventions. This collaborative effort enhances the overall treatment plan for ED by addressing emotional barriers, relationship dynamics, and personal beliefs that may contribute to the condition.

By combining psychological support with appropriate medical care if needed, many individuals find they can develop more holistic ways for managing erectile issues and improving overall sexual well-being.

Approaching Erectile Issues with Sensitivity

From our initial consultation, I aim to understand your experiences and all the relevant medical history, psychological, and relationship factors potentially impacting sexual functioning. This first step includes exploring your health history and timelines, emotional influences like mood and stress, relationship dynamics, sexual history, and intimacy challenges.

My role is to compassionately and objectively understand the whole context of your experience so we can work together as you move toward healing and rediscovery of sexual health.

Sex therapy for erectile dysfunction - an integrated approach

Depending on the underlying causes and your unique needs, I integrate a variety of therapeutic techniques that can include:

Psychoeducation - Providing factual details about the anatomy, physiology around arousal and erections, and sexual response cycles to replace misconceptions.

Mindfulness - Grounding practices that keep individuals anchored in pleasurable sensations instead of their anxious inner critic.

Depathologizing the experience - Exploring assumptions, sociocultural expectations, and external pressures while reframing distorted thoughts that undermine sexual confidence.

Sensate Focus Exercises – Solo and partnered and non-goal oriented touching and massage that facilitates sensuality without performance pressures.

Communication Coaching - Helping couples increase emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and erotic dialogue.

Working with your urologist and medical providers

Medication/Treatment - Coordinating with doctors on interventions like oral medications, injectables, or therapy tools to boost erectile function where appropriate.

The collective knowledge base of medical and therapeutic providers offers you a holistic approach to healing your whole self. The best treatment plan focuses on all healthy lifestyle changes and physical, emotional, and mental health aspects to help create satisfying sexual function.

Creating a pleasure-focused paradigm as part of ED treatment

For many, shifting from an obsession with erection quality to a fuller sense of erotic intimacy can be immensely freeing. I guide individuals and couples to explore pleasure through whole-body sensations, mastering arousal through breath, fantasy, movement, and more. This expands your erotic menu beyond penetration as the sole focus.

With patience and an open embrace of vulnerability, individuals and partners can gain control of getting and maintaining erections as desired and regain genuine confidence in their multifaceted sexuality.

My role is to provide a warm, supportive environment, allowing that journey to happen at its own pace. Approaching erectile issues through a lens of compassion creates possibilities for healing and growth.

How can partners work together when dealing with erectile dysfunction?

When one partner has trouble getting or keeping an erection, it can affect how each partner feels about sex and each other. It’s normal to feel confused or frustrated, and often each partner worries about inadequacy, but remember, this is a common issue many couples face. The best way to approach the situation is with empathy, patience, open communication and to work as a team. If you are comfortable, encouraging your partner to seek professional help such as a sex therapist, can be a supportive step towards overcoming erectile dysfunction.

Additionally, exploring alternative forms of intimacy and pleasure beyond penetrative sex can help maintain a strong emotional connection and intimacy in the relationship. Engaging in sensual activities, communication exercises, physical activity, and focusing on shared emotional connections can strengthen the bond between partners while working through erectile dysfunction challenges.

Sex therapy is one way for couples to work through these obstacles together while strengthening communication and non-sexual intimacy.

What should I expect from ED sex counseling?

In sex therapy for erectile dysfunction, expect a safe and non-judgmental space to discuss concerns, explore underlying issues, learn coping strategies, and improve communication. The therapy is aimed towards addressing both physical and psychological factors contributing to ED for holistic treatment.

Please request a complimentary phone or video consultation to explore therapy as part of your sexual wellness plan.

I host online sessions that work around your schedule during evenings and weekends. I look forward to meeting you!

You may also like to meet my colleague Cindy Michel, LMFT, CST - https://www.cindymichel.com/about-sex-therapist